Life for REAL

Middle of July I found out I was pregnant... it was quite the shock. Steve and I had 'decided' not to have any more children as we felt stretched with 2, without having any family around to help. But we hadn't done anything 'permanent' about it, so of course the chance was always there. And so it happened. It has been quite the journey over the summer trying to keep it a secret and not knowing how far along I am,                                                                                                        since my body had been messed up for awhile this year due to trying different forms of birth control.
I got in with the midwives and they scheduled me for an ultrasound on August 30th. When we went in we were expecting to see a little peanut, and be only 6 weeks, max 8 weeks. But apparently we were quite off! Yesterday I FINALLY heard back the results as the ultrasound techs are not allowed to say anything. And on August 30th I was already 14 weeks... WHAT?!? So that puts me at 16 weeks... almost half over and never really knew for that first month and a half!
We are excited... now, but in ALL honesty it took us quite by surprise and the last couple of weeks I have been having some anxiety attacks over it. Danika started school last week and was put in a K-1 split, and the first day she came home crying saying all her friends in the grade 1 class were running away from her and she doesn't get to do computers or any of the 'big kid' things. She feels like she is stuck with the 'little kids.' And my heart hurts for her. But we prayed about it and talked about seeking out the kids who don't seem to have any friends and help them out... since she knew what it felt like. That seemed to be a good solution and yesterday went 100% better.
Since Danika started school, Adessa has been overwhelming me. She has had her big sister as a distraction all summer, but since Danika is gone she is at me side ALL day, asking questions, wanting to help and all I want to do is get things done! I know I need to be more patient, but I feel like my patience is run dry and in the afternoon all I want to do is curl up on the couch and sleep... but of course that isn't possible with Adessa! I am tempted to look into preschool for her, but part of me feels guilty as I didn't put Danika in until she was 4.5 years. old. SIGH!!!
This week has really been tough- The past 2 days Adessa has had a bladder infection, needing to go on the potty every 10 minutes and crying and screaming when she does... its awful. So I got her into the Dr's yesterday and got her on antibiotics and she seems to be doing SO much better today. However when I was doing her hair I found a few little bugs clinging to her scalp... ICK! I picked out 4 or 5 in total and saved them in a little jar for Steve to see, and then did the lice treatment on her. But I hit my breaking point this morning and had a good ol' cry session, which I haven't had in ages... there was  A LOT of pent up tears in there and cried them all dry. Adessa was so concerned and kept asking what was wrong, but I told her moms need to cry sometimes too... just like little girls do.
I am just overwhelmed, usually I am such a clean freak, washing bathrooms frequently, vacuuming, dusting, washing windows, doing laundry and always trying to have a sparkling house. But I have been SO behind that I haven't touched my cleaning supplies in 2 weeks!!! And all my fruit trees outside are BURSTING with fruit ready to be picked and canned, or passed a long to friends, but I have had nothing in me and it feels like  no time.
When the LONG list of 'to-dos' ran through my head I just wanted to curl up in the corner and lay there all day, but then I saw my bible on the counter and the daily bread for today. I read it and spoke straight to my heart. The passage was all of Psalm 16, but the verse that leapt off the page was

v. 8- "I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me."

That verse washed over my whole body and set such a peace in my heart, and even though I haven't accomplished many checks on my list today, I love that God met me where I was at. And for that I am thankful.