Fully Awake

The last few days have been a wee bit of a struggle and once again I found myself in the familiar place of complaining and grumbling.

My day of freedom from bed rest came on Thursday. Friday I ran out to grab groceries and have another ultrasound (first outing by myself in 3 weeks!) and Saturday I went out for a couple of hours for a friends baby shower (she is due 2 days before me!) Sunday, Danika had a terrible cough so we stayed home and had 'home church.' I set the girls up with a bible story from you tube about the lost sheep and gave them crafting supplies to create their own sheep while  Steve and I sat with our coffees and tuned into our old church in Calgary- Center Street and listened to an awesome message. We ran out to  do a few errands, some wonderful friends invited us for a dinner. And then we went home and sickness wrapped itself around me. The sinus/chest cold has set in and is painful, not allowing much sleep and not being able to take anything I haven't been a happy camper. But today once again I was reminded, to be thankful. Truly what do I have to complain about?

Danika went to school this morning and Adessa is always my happy little camper, she is a true joy. She pulled out all sorts of goodies (apples, oranges AND grapes... she wanted to give me 43 oranges!) and she set up a little tea party. Just as I was about to bite into my apple she reminded both Steve and I that we needed to pray. And she proceeded with her prayer of Thankfulness as she always prays. Listing off everyone she knew and all that she could see.  Such simplicity, such child-like wonder, such sincerity. My prayer this morning was that I could see the world as my child does. I was blessed today once again, as every day we are all blessed. Blessed to have my husband as my best friend in the whole world, blessed to have a little girl who never slows down and who is so thoughtful and sweet and affectionate. Blessed to have a school right behind my house, knowing my little Danika is so close to me. Blessed to have texting conversations with my big sister about God and how awesome He is-- so blessed to have an entire family that loves Jesus and when I ask them to pray for me, I know that they are.

Since reading Ann Voskamp's book- One Thousand Gifts, I have also started to follow her blog. Yesterday this video was posted on her blog and it brought tears to my eyes. Especially the beginning... brought back memories of Danika in the NICU for 3 weeks and just willing her to breath on her own. Also the part of the kid while in the midst of wiggling a tooth, saying- "I love you mom." I want to look back on these days of raising young children, and being a young family- with Joy... I want to be fully awake and enjoy all the moments of this one life that I have been given to live. 

Enjoy this video... I sure did! 

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that openly profess his name." Hebrews 13:15

Chronicles From the Couch.. NO LONGER!!!

Today I was officially taken off of couch rest!!! Three weeks of it and its over, and we have all survived. I am 34 weeks along now and so I am out of the danger zone. They still do want me to take it easy, which I needed the rules very clearly defined, because I just want to get on my hands and knees and scrub down my house!

They did their best to define it- basically I need to listen to my body, and not do too much in the house and if I need to grocery shop then plan the day around going to get groceries and that being my only activity and then coming home and resting. They want no outside walks and no heavy cleaning. The cleaning has been something I have just let go.. Steve has done an AMAZING job of tidying the house and keeping up with the dishes and kids, but the bathrooms and floors need a good ol' scrubbing.

We were so blessed today though, Steve has some clients that we met at the Duncan Trade show he was in last year and has a contract to re-build their home on Thetis island starting in May. He has been talking to them about plans on and off and had told them that I was on bed rest and he had become "Mr.Mom." They are a christian couple, and today in the mail there was a beautiful card from them, with the most beautiful words and bible verses that brought tears to my eyes and a very large cheque telling us to hire a house cleaner on them! We have truly been on the receiving end of God's richest blessings and it has been such a growing experience for me personally. God has really opened my eyes to what really matters, to how amazing my husband is, and how much he loves me and is willing to do for me and to God's never-ending Grace. We have been shown so much love from our church and community with delicious meals every night for 3 weeks and lots of child care. And now we are blessed by being able to hire a house cleaner  We are just blown away! God is so good!!!!

Chronicles from the Couch- Specialists

This past Thursday Steve took me up to Victoria for my ultrasound there. After praying for a couple of weeks, our prayers were answered! The ultrasound technician did the ultrasound and wanted to know why we were there as baby was measuring perfectly. The only concern was that her head was oval and sideways it was measuring less than 10%, but as the OB came in to re-do the ultrasound he informed us  it was squished because she is still breech and the top of the uterus is much tighter, so "when" she flips her head will be a normal size. 

The OB was awesome and spent a lot of time with us going over everything. Our fluid levels are still maintained at 6-8cm, and he said they only become concerned when the levels are below 5cm. He is hopeful that baby will turn herself and that I will go to around 37 weeks with a 7 pounder! So praise God! I do still need to remain on 'bed rest' as my cervix is still quite short and fluid levels aren't where they should be (average person is 10-20 cm) but she looks totally healthy. 

We came away from the appointment feeling quite thankful as we weren't quite sure how it would turn out and I had my bags packed to stay at the hospital. But God is so good and I am now back home on my couch. 

I will still be meeting with OB's weekly until I have her and we will be discussing her breech and whether or not they will turn her themselves or possibly a c-section. I will also be having weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests. And the OB told me to closely monitor her movements as well, which makes me a bit nervous. 

This weekend was a bit tougher for me as the sun was out shining for most of it. I was able to open the window and breathe fresh air, but I just wanted to get up and go for a long hike! I found it a bit harder to be thankful for every little thing and was a bit grumpy. I do realize that the weekend was a bit crazy though and I did not spend my time with God, so my grumpiness was a reflection of that! 

Friday night several of my girlfriends came over with yummy desserts and we had a nice night of visiting and sharing birthing stories! I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful friendships. We have also been continuing to get meals almost every day and offers for childcare. 

This week Steve needs to get back to work a bit more, so it will be a bit more challenging to be on bed rest. But we are trying to organize the week with childcare so the stress doesn't fall on Steve's shoulders. And I will let you know how it goes! 

"He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs!" Zephaniah 3:17

Chronicles from the Couch Part 3- Update

Yesterday I had a partial ultrasound appointment at the hospital to check fluid levels around Amara. We then proceeded upstairs to the maternity ward where I had a non-stress test (much to the busy nurses dismay!) and a meeting with the on call OB. We were there for 3 hours. And thankfully there is nothing new to report. Everything is maintained for now, fluid level hasn't changed (maybe even increased a wee bit) and cervix is holding out. So still on bed rest as they made it clear they would like this baby to stay in until at least 36 weeks. I am now 32 weeks along, so another month! Steve had a thousand questions for the OB and he answered them all, so we feel like we have our mind wrapped around things a bit better. Nurses and doctor were just saying that it would be so nice if she would just flip over and get out of the breeched position. So that is what we are praying, for the options do not sound too enticing. But for now we will wait until next Thursday where we are meeting with a specialist at the hospital and he will be performing the ultrasound, measuring the fluid and measuring little Amara's body, and we just pray she is growing! Because at that point if she has not, they will be wanting to take her out as she has a better chance growing outside the womb.

I am feeling fine, I have had a lot of distractions with friends stopping by for visits, or my girls cuddling and entertaining me. I have also been on this laptop a lot trying to figure out website stuff for hubby's company and have felt like I have wasted hours researching with nothing to show for it! I have also had a lot of time for reading which is such a nice treat that I am thoroughly enjoying.

A good friend lent me her book One Thousand Gifts- A Dare to Live Fully Right Where you Are after it was recommended by another good friend of mine who was on bed rest with her child. I took this off of a review of the book and it is what has hit home with me as well so I thought I would share it...

"Charis. Grace.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.
Chara. Joy.
A triplet of stars, a constellation in the black.
A threefold cord that might hold a life? Offer a way up into the fullest life? 
Grace, thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo.
A Greek word...that might make meaning of everything?"
"Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle."

And it does. 
Ann Voskamp lived much of her life with fists clenched tight, angry that God's gifts to her tasted bitter. Very bitter. The only time life made a little sense was Sunday mornings at church, but the moment she left those doors, things fell apart. One Thousand Gifts is her journey of opening her hands, cupping them to receive grace, whatever form that may take, with thanksgiving, and eventually allowing that grace to trickle through her to others. But I'm putting it so badly.
Eucharisteo. All is grace. Thank you, God, for the rain.
The hard eucharisteo. All is grace. Thank you, God, for this trial. Help me to see Jesus here.
The full-bodied eucharisteo. All is grace, including me! Thank you, God, that I can be a blessing as I have been blessed.
This author is a poet/philosopher/mother-of-six/farmer's wife and very, very real. As she makes her list of one thousand (and more) gifts, I begin to see that with every moment that passes there is an opportunity for thanksgiving. 

It has been such a blessing to me and I would definitely recommend it to anyone. It has helped me get over my guilty, useless feelings of being on bed rest and helped in this week long (so far) journey to fully embrace this time and receive it as a gift and trying to wrap my mind around what Gods grace is fully about. My husband has been an amazing example of this to me the last week. I know his gifting is not in the area of housecleaning, but he has been serving me endlessly. Cleaning the house, taking care of the girls, serving me meals and whatever else I need on the couch. And he has been doing it all with a smile on his face. I love him so much, and am so thankful for the man God has given me to spend my life with.

I have been so thankful for all the little moments in my days, even though the days are long on this sagging couch there are things to be thankful for in.every.moment.
Whenever I feel my sweet Amara move (which is often!)
When my girls come cuddle up to me on the couch and we read stories together, and our imaginations run wild.
Adessa's deep guttural laugh when I tickle her or make a funny face.
Listening to Danika struggle through her reading books and smiling when we complete a new one.
The sweet sparkle in Adessa's mischievous little smile. Danika's big, compassionate eyes.
When my little girls serve me. My husband dropping off kisses whenever he serves me. Watching daddy and daughters. Sunlight peeking out every so often in our gray sky.
I'm thankful that I have had time to read, to spend time in God's word and read thoroughly through the book of Acts, as if reading a crazy adventure novel! (Paul was amazing and a true inspiration!)
Thankful for all my friends who stop by, or text or e-mail saying there praying for me. Or they are dropping off delicious, home cooked meals, or they are taking my children to play for the day.
The list is endless.

And so from the couch I dare YOU to find the beauty in the simple, and to be thankful in all things!!! God Bless!

"Chronicles from the Couch" Part 2 - A Name

A name is a big deal... something someone has to live with for the rest of their lives. So for this third child of mine I have been putting a great deal of thought and research. I read through our name book and came up with a list of possible names (none that jumped out at me) and Steve rejected them all. So instead of internet search lists and books I turned to prayer and was putting it out there to God that I really wanted help with this one.

It happened a few weeks ago. I was doing my morning devotions, Steve had left super early to work in Victoria so I had some quiet before the girls woke up. I finished my prayer and as had become routine I prayed for my baby and for a name for her. The name Amara popped into my head. It wasn't a loud voice in my head, it was just there. Shortly after, the girls woke up and so began our day without another thought to that name. Steve came home that evening and I asked him what he thought of the name and he said that 'no he did not like it'. So I didn't give it another thought until a few days later I was sitting at the computer desk and it came into my head again. I typed it into google search and this is what turned up...

Name:

Amara 

Gender:UnisexMeaning:Gods GraceOrigin:African

Instantly I got chills and got all excited. The name felt affirmed when Steve felt the same way. We really feel like this name was given to us, and we both really like it. So I have been calling this sweet little girl growing inside of me Amara and it feels right.
The name is African (Igbo) in Origin and this is what it is shortened from...

Amarachi orAmarachukwu

female

God's blessing(s). God's grace.

Amara

So when all these problems with baby and my cervix were found on the ultrasound I really felt at peace. Like my darling girl as been affirmed. She is our little blessing from God and God's grace is continually poured out to me everyday even though I don't always deserve it.

'Chronicles From the Couch Part 1

My sister told me to change the name of my blog to the "Couch Chronicles" as my life is currently being lived lying on the couch with my feet propped up. But this blog isn't about just me but my families life and about chronicling the 'little things' that occur in a household with 2 young children and a dog. And so for now my posts will be titled the couch chronicles until my bed rest has been lifted.

This was my fourth full day of bed rest and I am feeling quite at peace with it all. I had a hard time the first couple of days as I just feel so utterly and completely useless. I am not physically injured and feel great, but still need to be confined to the couch for the sake of this precious life inside me. It has been quite the adjustment for Steve and he was finding it quite difficult as the demands of a mother, cooker and cleaner never end. And it didn't help that his wife was directing from the couch. After the first full day of bed rest we had a sit down and talk as we were both feeling rather frustrated. And we came up with a plan, which involves me biting my tongue and letting go of my expectations and perfectionism for how my house should look. And for Steve needing to call in some help. The next morning was Sunday and Steve was leading worship. He never mentioned to anyone that I was on bed rest, but a few good friends had, and by the end of the service Steve was overwhelmed with everyone's offers to help out. That evening some good friends brought us dinner, stayed and ate with us, and then cleaned up all the mess. That visit was quickly followed by a girl from church who had a printed up schedule for the next 2.5 weeks for child care and meals. My jaw dropped and we both felt so loved and so blessed. What a blessing to be part of God's family. And the calls and e-mails for offers of help have not stopped since. We have already had to turn away meals and offers for childcare!

The days are long (but broken up by visits from my wonderful friends!) and my body hurts from sitting or lying on my side, but I am taking it as an opportunity as well. One that I need to take with a smile and make the most of. Because I know that when this third little life comes crying into our world, that I will not experience sitting and quiet for a long time again. I want to make this time meaningful. I have received some good books that I want to dig into and I want to study my bible. A friend made a good point the other day as well. As a mother it is often hard to try and balance household chores, with cooking and spending time with my kids. So I am really making a point to do lots of reading and games with the girls and spending that quality, uninterrupted time with them.

Gods Grace is amazing and I have been amazed at how He is showing it to me. A big part of me feels so guilty sitting on the couch while others are cooking and cleaning for me. And people bringing me over meals... I feel like there are so many others in our church that could use them instead of us. But I am really trying to get over those feelings, I am humbled that others are willing to do so much for our little family and it is such a testament of God's love.

Well that is all for now... Ciao from the Couch!!!

I am now 31 weeks into my third pregnancy and it has been smooth sailing... up until now. Yesterday I went in for an ultrasound to check things out since I am considered high risk from my last 2 pregnancies. The ultrasound tech seemed a little bit frustrated as baby was breech and was pretty much folded in half with feet by her face and her hands. She seemed to have a hard time taking measurements, but eventually we got them all and we were sent home. By the time we got home there was already a message from my midwife and she explained all the problems they found... but not to be worried! ACK!
First of all my cervix is already shortened to 2.1 which is very low, 2 being the lowest on a scale from 2-4. But that was the least of her concerns. The fluid is low in my uterus and baby is breached, which can be bad as their may not be enough fluid for her to flip. Also her size is very small she is measuring around the 10th percentile. With the combined low fluid and low baby size they can point to my placenta not fully functioning properly. My midwife Selina, said not to panic however as these are all just red flags and things that we will follow up on.
This afternoon we went to the hospital and I was hooked up to the non-stress test for over an hour. The nurses and doctor told me that baby looks perfectly healthy. She is very active and her heart rate was perfect. We then met up with the O.B. and she answered all our questions and explained things as best as she could understand so far. First and foremost she told me I had to be on bed rest..... ahhhhh!!! I tried my best for bed rest when I was pregnant with Adessa, with no help and a 3 year old, it was pretty hard. I can't imagine how hard it will be with 2 children and no family. Thankfully we are in a MUCH better place then we were then. We own our own home, that is much bigger, we have many WONDERFUL friends and Steve is in his slow season of work so is around a lot right now to help out. It is still going to be extremely difficult and it feels surreal... like I can't wrap my mind around it. I am such a busy person and have never napped not once since being pregnant with my first so I can't imagine how I can do this. But I will... for the sake of this precious little baby growing inside me. I just need to let go and not worry about my house, the meals and all the details.
Anyways the O.B was very clear on bed rest and if I don't that I would end up in the hospital on bed rest. She is also going to send my records to a specialist in Victoria. She felt my cervix, said it was very short and that she could feel baby's bum right against it... which explains the sharp pains I have been having. I have also been booked in for the next couple of weeks to have the non-stress test, ultrasound and meeting with OB weekly to keep an eye on things. Worst case scenario, if fluid doesn't increase and baby isn't growing, they would take her out as she would have a better chance outside of the womb. But we are praying that doesn't happen!
So that is what is going on with our baby. I am not feeling anxious about it, I feel at peace. It makes Steve and I both nervous, but we know she is in God's hands. We are just asking for lots of prayer.